Variety is another incentive, highlighted more often by women than men. Women and men alike say they enjoy the comfort of strangers: relaxing with someone outside your circle of friends, who does not know you well enough to be irritated by your familiarity, who has not yet taken sides in ongoing interpersonal debates, who will not be there to haunt you with the revelations you made the previous night.Ī preliminary study on genetic dispositions for casual sex received a lot of media attention a few years ago, but it seems that lifestyle has a greater effect on risk taking, which seems to affect levels of casual sex: night owls, whether male or female, are more likely to take risks than early risers, and those who are likely to take more risks have twice as many sexual partners as early risers. So if the downside can be avoided, what are the benefits? Women and men alike say they enjoy the comfort of strangers. They were aware, too, that men have relaxed standards for a casual sex partner: “But it's a good opportunity to enjoy a fine young man, physically," Stella, 47, laughed.Īs for respect, men said that they enjoy the equality implicit in casual sex and while men may be making mistaken assumptions about women's expectations (after all, sex can only be designated as “casual" or a one-time event if it does not issue in a continuing relationship) most women said that casual sex partners were not disrespectful or inconsiderate: while not always adept at providing pleasure, they weren't indifferent to a partner's satisfaction. When women reflected on what they sought in sex – whether casual or committed – it was clear that reaching orgasm wasn't always their goal. My own research involved interviews with women and men over a four year period one topic often covered was sex and sexual activity. The trouble with surveys is that the questions tend to be skewed by undeclared assumptions. When women reflected on what they sought in sex, it was clear that reaching orgasm wasn't always their goal. And, if men have little respect for the casual partner, then the activity itself degrades social norms of mutual – and self – regard. It shows that men have relatively low standards for one night partner selection, casting doubt on whether women should get a spike in morale from being chosen. Survey data shows that women get a raw deal in terms of pleasure: they are less likely to reach orgasm in casual sex than in a committed relationship. Negotiating the promise and pitfalls of casual sex is a serious business for many single women and men. The “zipless fuck" presents spontaneous and impersonal casual sex as an image of liberation: “The zipless fuck is absolutely pure. And, with the subsiding ecstasy, your partner melted away, freeing you both from embarrassment and commitment.įor many men and women, this is the promise of a one-night stand. Yet a memorable counter offensive was launched more than 40 years ago when Erica Jong, in her novel Fear of Flying, celebrated a female fantasy where “zippers fell away like rose petals, underwear blew off in one breath like dandelion fluff". The stereotype of a one-night stand is a brutally selfish, egoistically satisfied male, and a woman shamed by regret and disappointment.
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